"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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