hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
