I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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