once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
