I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
