I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
