isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
