I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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