hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
