I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
