Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
