He kissed a someone with a penis
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
