My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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