your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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