The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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