Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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