Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think my fart just growled at me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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