I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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