Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we made out on top of his cat.
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Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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