i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
