I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
