I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
