Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
