do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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