i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
