Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
