you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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