I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
