it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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