I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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