Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dude. I can hear the air.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
