I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
