he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
