Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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