i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
