I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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