i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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