I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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