well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
