She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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