Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
