we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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