Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize