a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
