Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
