I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
