there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We got so high we made milksteak
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i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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