Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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