it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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