I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
