I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
