fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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