i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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