Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
