I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
do nipples grow back?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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