If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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