My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
